Life is hard. Life is rough. But more than anything life is beautiful.
I have really been tested on my faith the last few years. And the last few weeks have really been rough. Its amazing what power came over me when I realized I would be a single parent. Its like this survival mode that you go into to get things done.
But it also means that you push so much to the side and don’t deal with it. And it feels like the last few weeks I have started to deal with things I had pushed aside years ago on top of just life happening!
I really have been tested in my faith the last two weeks. I have really let some people get to me. And usually I can brush it off. But this time is different. I have been truly hurt deep down by people in ways I really never thought I would. And that is hard.
I don’t think I give myself enough credit. I tend to look at things like I could have done better instead of I did it and that’s good enough.
One of the things nobody tells you about being a single parent is that you will rely on your people so so much. And it really truly hurts when you start to become distant from them because you have put so much into them. And that’s not fair to them.
I let someone once lead me to believe I wasn’t good enough. And that has been I think my biggest test of faith. I have prayed more the past week than I think I think I have in the last year.
I have tried to distance myself from everyone but my son just so that I can figure this all out. And silence is a beautiful thing. I feel like I have learned more about my life in the past week just by being more aware of the world around me.
And I think over all I have realized I need to just keep praying. And then when I am done I will pray some more. And I know that it will work out.